In to The Looking Glass: Meeting Katie Again

Each day another piece of me is chipped away. Revealing who I was all along. 

I look in the mirror and I do not recognize the woman standing and staring back at me. Who is she? Is she me? This is how I feel sometimes, and I feel like I need to meet myself again. 

It goes something like this I wake up eat breakfast, work out, take care of the puppy and then I get dressed. Standing there in my underclothes I admire this new woman in the mirror who is she? Is it really me? I then realize the voice is the same, the genetics are the same, but she is not the same. 

I had always wanted to be thin, I was 160lbs in my head my entire life. I was thin for a very short period in middle school until my PCOS wrecked havoc and ruined my body. This woman was always standing there inside of me. 

I was always the friend who went shopping and stood by as all my normal sized friends found clothes, I would sit there and and go ooh look earrings. I wanted those clothes, I would promise myself that I would need to make a change. The constant cycle of yes I will be good I promise myself I will be. I am going to be fine. 

As I am here now five months out on October 16, 2014 and over 90lbs gone I am shocked at the woman standing in front of the mirror. I am thinner the double chin is gone, I have beautiful long limbs, bones are felt in various places. Who she is... oh wait is me Katie. The hair is darker, the look is sharper she cares for who she is. Her make up is applied neatly, her hands are painted a daring shade of purple. Her complexion is clear, radiant glowing. The voice is no longer the same, she has confidence, strength, opinions, knows what she wants, she is goal oriented, less anxious. She knows she has arrived, her family notices the difference in her. 

What has become of the black sheep of the family as she always felt, now she is the one with the confidence and looks to kill. She always felt beautiful but as her weight spiraled upwards she felt ugly and not attractive. As she sat down at the diner and couldn't fit why not have the extra fries and dessert who cares.  It did not matter. 

Who has she become? She is evolving all I know is I love the person I am becoming.